Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Human Behaviors I Don't Understand

I'm in the business of trying to understand people and things that I'm not familiar with. But I believe there are some human behaviors that will never fully make sense to me. Perhaps with more years and life experience, I'll start to understand, but until then, here's a few things that don't make sense to me.

1. Theft. Not just theft of sustanance--food, water, diapers (not even joking. If I had a kid in diapers and had no diapers during a crisis like Katrina, I'd be tempted to jack some diapers.) But the kind of theft I don't get is stealing luxories or unnecessary things. For example, when I came back from my trip, I discovered that someone stole the dramatized documentary on Rosa Parks that I left for my sub. Just let that marinate for a minute. Someone stole a DVD about a woman who represented a race that was robbed of personal freedoms. A movie about an ethical problem was stolen from my classroom. Where I educate children. About ethics. That's almost as bad as stealing from someone at BGW.
Also, someone stole a gardening fork from my yard last summer. Who does that?

2. Why my direct eye contact and a bubbly attitude often gets interpreted as flirting. I realize that I'm the one who is probably to blame here, but I've tried changing my personality and I don't like the introverted bore that I become. I like being happy, and I am geniuinely interested in people. What they have to say. What is going on in their lives. How their families are doing. I tend to joke A LOT, but my good humor is not flirting. It's just me. So world, know this: I'm happily married and am not flirting with you--unless your name is Texy. hahaha! (Ironically, my husband thought I was flirting with him the first time I met him--and I totally wasn't. In fact, I had a boyfriend at the time and made a conscious effort NOT to flirt with Cole so as to avoid leading him on. Didn't work, but to things worked out to everyone's satisfaction.)
3. People who treat gambling like a second job. I mean those who use it to fill a void--not simple recreation. I'd like to add people who cash and use up their paychecks at casinos. On a regular basis.

4. Adult bullying other adults. I'm guilty of this sometimes, but I still don't know why I do it.


And I'm tapped out. I'm sure there's more, but I'm too tired to continue.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Vegas Quotes...and no I won't tell you the story behind them...probably.

1. R--- is the subservient peppy one.
2. smiling member balloons
3. "crotch coma" with multiple definitions.
4. Give a little cookie; take it away.
5. "I can take an ice cream and make a treat" to the tune of "Popcorn Popping"
6. stripper bruise
7. S"tit"le-Ho (Supposed to be Stilett-Ho)
8. R--- is the fag hag.
9. "virgin" daquiri
10. random verbal fartings
11. Don't break your cookie.
12. BSFFF - love you, Texy.
13. skittles flavored lipsmackers
14. Mama Cass
15. "How many calories did I burn by saying, 'Ahhhh, R---.'"
16. "ssstop sign"
17. Sitting on the floor gives you hemorrhoids.
18."Can I wipe my sunlotion off on your butt."
19. Gollum grandma dressed like Britney Spears
20. S101

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Good[ish] Week

Suck it, fat!

Good News:

Cole and I both got freelance writing gigs with The Daily Herald! woot woot!

I lost a pound. hizzah!

I got accepted to the UCWP Conference this summer!

REDBOOK is featuring me in the May issue! Fist Bump.

Bad News:

Cole and I both got pink eye. Ugh.

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