Sunday, June 5, 2011

Phased Out

Set Friendship Phasers to Stun
Have you ever been phased out of someone's life? (or maybe you're the phaser. )

Here's what it looks like:

First something life changing has to happen to either you (the phasee) or your friend (the phaser). Examples include: a new job, new spouse, new baby, and/or a significant move.

Next, is sort of a subtext to the first step, because whatever life-changing event occurs, it has to greatly diminish the quantity of time the two of you used to spend together.

Third, the phasee feels like the change that occurred will not interfere with the friendship, and goes on as if all is normal, making weekly phone calls, texts, emails, fb msgs, and/or carrier pigeon msgs to the phaser.[The carrier pigeon is an exaggeration. No one is that needy, and if they are then they should be phased out.] These are nothing unusual, given that the phasee is simply continuing traditions that already existed prior to change.

At this point the phaser too keeps up the ruse that the friendship means something. Most calls are reciprocated. Visits are had. Conversations regular. But after several months, the phaser is starting to realize that he or she can live without the phasee.

Soon, phaser realizes that proximity is highly important and without it, the friendship seems a lost cause. Phaser begins to stop answering calls, texts, and carrier pigeons. Email is their main source of communication at this point.

Phasee walks around with a big question mark above his or her head. "Is it something I said?", phasee wonders. "What did I do wrong? Is phaser mad at me?"

Then the emails go unanswered.

Approximately a month later, the phasee realizes just how unimportant the phasee and phaser's friendship was to the phaser when a simple life change could crumble what was once considered solid.

The phasee is flummoxed, while the phaser doesn't seem to notice the change.
If you haven't cracked my code yet, I was just phased outta someone's life.

It hurts. If I've ever done that to you, I'm really sorry.


  1. I phased someone out late last year. She's a wonderful person, but I'd tell her things I was dealing with (12 year old gone insane, husband deploying) and instead of even trying to be supportive, she was always hurt that I hadn't commented on her blog or liked her facebook status or emailed once a day. So I phased her out slowly. I feel bad, because we were good friends for several years.

    Also, I sometimes worry that people (as in, all my friends) might think I'm phasing them out when I'm not. I hate talking in the phone, and none of my friends actually live near me so it's not like we can get together, and sometimes I get busy and I don't text or e-mail as much I'd like to. But, I definitely am not phasing them out because I think they're all pretty awesome. I'm just a lazy friend sometimes.

    So, are you sure you've been phased, or does the phaser maybe have things going on in life that you're not aware of?

    If you have been phased, that sucks. I'm sorry.

  2. Being phased out sucks. What's worse is confronting the phaser-outer to find out that they haven't had much respect for you for a long time and that the relationship was twisted and you didn't even know it. As hard as it is when it happens, you realize that it really was for the best.

    I really do believe that people come in and out of our lives to teach us things about ourselves. Some stay with us forever, and others just hang around for a little while. It'll be OK. You have me. ;)

  3. I'm glad you've phased me in to your life 'cause I love your stinkin' guts!

  4. Boy isn't that the truth. The saying that "true" good friends are far apart and few between is right on, if not maybe a little understated. It's tough to have a friendship that is either stagnant or going the opposite direction. I've had this happen not just w/ a hand full of friends but occasionally with family members as well.

  5. thanks for being so supportive everyone.
    @Brandi, it's possible that there's too much going on that I don't know about, but I have tried to communicate. My reach-outs are being ignored.

    The more I think about this, the more I bet I've unintentially phased ppl out before. I kinda hate myself for it.

    @Shan and Texy, I'm glad to have phased you in too. and I'm wondering, Texy, what you are teaching me about myself? ...hmmm...

    @Jeff, We'll always be good friends. Burger King sealed the deal.

  6. Maybe to teach us something isn't the most accurate choice of words. I guess what I mean, is that we serve a purpose in someone's life while we are their friend. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I mean, I have so many friends that I love for all different reasons. They each fulfill a different purpose. I don't use people, and I don't take friendship lightly either.

  7. Sadly it happens somewhat naturally. It's happened to me a lot simply because my friends marry away and I remain single. I do think however that keeping up with people is important - but I also am always working on acquiring new single friends so I don't feel too left behind. :)



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