Sunday, June 12, 2011

Half-Assed: A Weight Loss Memoir

Words are my thing.
It's what I do.
Weave the written language into a tapestry of intrigue piped with humor.
There are very few times in my life where I couldn't express how I felt about something with words...or at least to the degree it merited. The first time was when I tried writing a few words to read to my husband at our wedding reception. Trying to tell the man you love just how much you love him, while including all the nuances, inside jokes, isolated moments, tender embraces, sotto voces, in a few little words seemed an impossible task. I fumbled something out, but it will never entirely cover all the bases of my love for him. Which is why I affectionately inscribed, "Words Can't Describe" on the inside of his wedding ring. Seemed fitting. And it's high praise to stump a writer with a concept that can't fully be developed in writing.

The second time this happened was when I read Half-Assed: A Weight Loss Memoir. Now, I'm not catagorizing my love for Jennette Fulda's book as the same love as I have for Cole, but I heart it. A lot. (See how simplisitic I get when I can't think of the words?)

Below are some of my favorite lines from the book. (PS I'm reading it on my Kindle, however, and the page numbers are not reflected on my digital pages.)

  • "Ever the overachiever, I gained the freshman fifty."
  • "In German, the word kummerspeck is used to describe the weight you gain from emotional overeating. It literally translates to 'grief bacon.'"
  • "You are almost never as fat as you think you are. If I could teach the fat girls of the world one thing, that would be it."
  • After a life-threatening surgery, Fulda decided to get thin. Then, "Only I didn't. I stayed fat for at least another year. Wake-up call recieved. Snooze button pushed."
  • "It was supposed to shock me into realizing I was consuming the gross national product of Ecuador daily. Mostly it made me crazy trying to remember if I'd had a soda with lunch."
  • "The more likely you were to actually use health ins. the more likely you were denied it."
  • "I hoped I wouldn't find myself holding up the local Krispy Kreme in a sugar-crash psychosis, wielding a grapefruit spoon like a shiv."
  • "My gynecologist had told me I had a pelvis, but I thought she was just starting a rumor."
  • "After taking a blood pressure test in a pharmacy, "The display read: 122/71. Woo-hoo! I wanted to take a victory lap around the feminine hygiene aisle, throwing tampons in the air like confetti."
  • "Good clothing injected tiny moments of joy into my life at the most unexpected times."
  • "She must not want that fine culinary creation, I thought. She got a different piece of cake instead. It would be a shame to waste a piece of cake. It would make baby Jesus cry. For purely religous reasons, I leapt up, snatched the plate, devoured the cake, and shoved the empty plate onto my uncle's place setting. Fat girls first rule of stealing food: Always get rid of the evidence. Second rule: If necessary, frame someone else."
  • "My weight loss was a cross-country trip, not a race across town."
  • "...a wall of casseroles and baked goods lined the counter like the Great Wall of Carbohydrates."
  • "It did seem strange that the price of admission to a house of admission to a house of mourning was baked goods. Didn't ppl usually lose their appetites when they were in bereavement?"
  • Upon running into a pack of thin girls in the stairwell, "Don't be intimidated, I told myslef. They are not better than you just b/c they have 15 percent body fat and skin as smooth as goat's milk. Yak's milk is what it's all about this year
I'm only half way through Half-Assed, and I feel like Jennette is a kindred spirit. Wanna be BFF's Jennette? Selling points:
  • I use capitalization. 
  • I use punctuation.
  • I spell relatively well.
  • I'm not snarky, unless I'm cleverly snarky. 
  • I won't ever tempt you into stealing cake at weddings. 
  • and I won't judge you if you do. 
I heart you, Jennette. 
Words can't describe how much.
You are my "thinspiration".

Plus you've inspired me on my next writing project. (My first book is called One-Armed Freak and is available at Amazon for Kindles only.) I'm gonna do a weight loss book too. Granted my 60 lbs is nothing in comparison to your feats in Weight Loss World, but my journey could inspire someone too.
Check out my weight loss blog: 

I can't wait to finish it. 
May the flax seed be with you.
Drink water and prosper.


  1. Best post ever. Love: Your Hubby.

  2. Jennette emailed me about my blog post, I thought I'd share with you readers:

    Jennette Fulda to me

    show details 1:15 PM (41 minutes ago)

    Hi Lorena,

    Thanks for buying the book! I appreciate the support. Double thanks for posting about the book twice. The title of your blog "Prose-spective" is very clever. It's nice to be getting so many new readers via the Kindle sale.

    Good luck with your weight loss! I hope to see you around the blog.

    Jennette Fulda
    Author of "CHOCOLATE & VICODIN" and "HALF-ASSED: A Weight-Loss Memoir" & @jennettefulda

  3. Very nice post. Since words are your thing, you might be interested in a series of posts I have been doing on the word play involved in cryptic crosswords. The first one is:
    It has now evolved into a daily series. I find it great fun - much better than ordinary crosswords.



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