Monday, July 11, 2011

No Man is an Island, Unless the Island is Full of Bikini-Clad Women

Is humankind a rational entity? Does he or she act mainly on the basis of thinking something out or does he or she act on impulses which may be based on emotions, instincts, or biological drives?

I ponder this question every time I learn of a someone in a seemingly awesome marriage having an affair with a cliche. The hot secretary. The nurse with the tight bod. The McSteamy Doctor. The rough-and-ready blonde bombshell. [eyes rolling.] Learning of these affairs leads me to believe that men and women are often minions to their biological drives, and that logic either a) doesn't have a place in the pleasure center (PC) of the brain, or b) that somehow the PC has rewired the brain to create its own logic regarding the acceptability of having an affair. Little loin-shocks whisper to the brain: "I'm in love with this person (not my spouse), and love is the only truth worth living for" or "My own spouse doesn't understand me, and this other person does. I need to be in a relationship that makes me happy" all the while smothering the cries of real logic (and it's concerns regarding children, finances, and the emotional well-being of all affected parties) with the fevered dreams of sexual rediscovery.

I won't be the first person to say that the institute of marriage doesn't have its speed bumps and potholes in the road. You'd be a fool to believe that the "happily ever after" scenario isn't fiction. The Disney movies tend to leave out the scenes where the Little Mermaid has to go to therapy to for postpartum when her first born is born with webbed feet and gills or how Jasmine prays to the gods that Aladdin will stop playing Xbox long enough resolve the peasant uprising crisis or how the prince realizes he ought to have gotten to know Aurora a little bit more prior to marriage, instead of basing a whole relationship on a few campy duets and a comatose kiss.

I'm not an expert on marriage or anything, and I only have 9 years of matrimony under my belt, but I'd say the "safer" marriages are the ones that were carefully selected. Both partners chose each other based on a recipe of 2 parts logic, 1 part biological attraction, a dash of instinct, and a sprinkle of emotion. And if you really wanna avoid getting cheated on, make sure to marry someone who is a logical person, one who reasons things out extensively. I'm not saying you'll be completely safe from abandonment, but it'll help your odds. A logical thinker rarely chucks reason and years of fidelity for a roll in the hay with Capt. Pheromones.


  1. My favorite parts of this post are "webbed feet and gills" and "recipe of 2 parts logic, 1 part biological attraction"etc.. I'd say one of the best solutions to having a "safe" marriage is found in a wise song entitled "Marry a wo(man) uglier than you"~ Find yourself a butt-ugly woman no one would ever think about touching (all of this coming from a divorced man I know carries a lot of weight) but really, if I ever marry again she gots to be ugly!

  2. Oh, also "loin-shocks" lol!... that's great!

  3. Ha ha ha! Let's not ever refer your second (future) wife to this particular comment, eh?

  4. well.. now I know how to proceed. thanks for the sage wisdom! ;)



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