Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Romantic Comedies are Liars

Nothing ever happens the way they do in love stories or romance comedies, and people who do think their love-life is like a flipping  Matthew Maconahay and Amy Adams whirlwind romance, are in for some tough times.
"I'm going to ignore the fact that you wanna be with me just for an apartment and dump you b/c of your ug hair. Plus I wanna be with the guy who has to save the bar he let go to hell b/c he has no financial smarts whatsoever. But it's ok, cuz we're in love."

Maybe some married couples have an unbelievable first introduction on an elevator where both were awkwardly singing the lyrics to the Boni Jovi muzak playing in the elevator speakers. Or maybe they met when "future-husband" bumped into "future-wife" while rushing around the corner on the way to the office. His brawny shoulders knocking the files from the Guentenburg case (cuz she's a lawyer in this scenario) from her arms in a slow-motion tornado of attorney-jargoned papers, whilst a one-handed tune on the piano catches the drama of the moment as she sees his wry smile and the freckles on his nose for the first time. But the way a romance starts is not the climax of most people's lives. It's pretty much the exposition.

"Allow me to dump you on your wedding day. I've been fornicating with another woman anyway, so this will be better for both of us. Plus she's J-Lo, so...really  there's not even a choice here."

And I hate how romantic comedies always break-up the main characters prior to them actually taking the plunge. They break up, because one mistakenly cheated on the other. Or they break up, because one didn't stand up for the other's convictions. Or they break up, because one chooses to take a job away from the other. What I hate about that is that in real life a break-up like that wouldn't be "magically" (with the help of a mariachi band and an outdoor ice skating rink in the snow)  reparable. Because it's a red flag. People who break up just before a wedding, don't get back together, generally. Too many red flags.
"I ditch men at the alter...a lot. Plus, I'm a chameleon who becomes what you want, when you want it. But it's ok. We are meant to be together forever, since you are only after my story anyway. That's a match made if I ever saw one...And, hey! I have seen 3 others!"

Or maybe they do.

Did you?


  1. Yeah, kinda. My marriage is one big statistic.

    1. Unmarried teenage pregnancy
    2. By a different man
    3. Wed 11 days before birth of child just so we could be stationed together
    4. Still a teenager (one month before I turned 20)

    And that all happened within the first year of us meeting.

    It'll be 16 years on Thursday. Amazing, really.

  2. My husband was the geeky, somewhat annoying best friend of my senior year boyfriend. He also off and on dated my best friend.

    Senior year boyfriend became my fiance during college.

    My (now) husband went off on his mission.

    I skip class to surprise my fiance (on MY birthday) and catch him in bed with my best friend--who had also been dating my (now) husband before he left on his mission.

    I (obviously) dumped fiance and wished horrible things would happen to best friend.

    I started writing to my (now) husband more often, since we got screwed over (literally) by the same people.

    He came home, wasn't quite as geeky or annoying, and we got married 7 months later.

    So up to that part could be a romcom. But since then it's been the usual up and down marriage crap where usually we love each other, but sometimes we hate each other, and a lot of the time just tolerate each other until the love comes back.

  3. Ummmmm, maybe just stick to movies where apes take over the world. I think that's less traumatic for you at this moment.

  4. Stupid internet keeps ripping my photos from the blog. Grr. It doesn't make sense if there's no photos. I replaced 'em tho.

    Plus, I guess my point is that your life may have started out like a romance comedy, but it's just the beginning of your life, you know?

  5. I'll let you know when I find him! I have had a few very romantic chic-flick worthy meetings however, but none of them ended in marriage.



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