Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Karma slapped me with paralysis.

So when I was sick the week after Christmas and bed-ridden to the point that my muscles atrophied like the murder victims from that TV series Bones, I wondered if I'd ever be able to walk normally again instead of stumbling about like my 26-year-old arthritic co-worker (true story. Love you, Ash.)

And around the time that I could be awake longer than an hour at a time and could do more than walk to the toilet and back, I tested my ability to do basic things by first doing the dishes. Why? I don't know. The very act of washing dishes makes a mom again. Once I'm free and clear for scrubbing pots and pans, my kids also believe it's time to demand breakfast, lunch, or dinner or a snack or a drink or "Where's my stuffed dog?" or "Put my Batman costume on me NOW!" and NASA calls me on the red rotary phone to ask for a cup of Joe and their lucky nude-y pen because that's how important I become to the household...nay, America! when the cloud of my damn fever lifts.

For a while I'm happy to be doing anything other than leaving butt imprints on my side of the bed, but the happiness soon transitions to remembering. I remember how many balls I've got juggling in the air.

Lesson plans.
Grading.
Writing.
Bathing.
Reading.
Dishes.
Housework.
Dog-caring-for.
Tanning.
Blogging.
Writing.
Planning.
Preparing to travel to Orlando.
Playing with kids.
Babysitting.
Meetings.
Census surveying.
Couponing.
Budgeting.
Writing.
Homework with Layne.
Wrestling with Gavin.
Movies with Cole.
Dieting.
Cardio work out.
Ab exercises.
Weight lifting.
Writing.
Facebooking.
Netflixing. I did plenty of that when I was sick.

The point is I work myself into a crazy corpse-ish coma. My body just shuts down in protest as if it's the only way I can settle down a little. That's my theory.

My students think I got that sick because I gave them homework over the break. Karma's a bitch, huh. And I bet she does dishes too.

5 comments:

  1. Karma better do dishes, damn it! Dishes suck! I'm sorry you feel like crap. Hope you feel better soon.

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  2. My body does the same thing - I've got a huge head cold to keep me company while paper-grading too. :)

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  3. My body does that too! I have a horrible head-cold and taught school yesterday, voiceless. :)

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  4. Ha! Just saw your reference to me! It IS getting better. At least that is what I tell myself. And then I attempt the stairs, and I realize that I am not as better as I think.

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  5. Thanks, BCR. I hope Karma also takes a rest once in a while. I need to get better.

    Bodies suck, eh Esperanza?

    And take the elevator, Ash! (But not the one from Tower of Terror in Disney World. It is even more frightening than the Disneyland one, btw.)

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