Monday, April 2, 2012

Birthday. [sigh]

[Around this time last year, I started freaking out about turning 30. I mean REALLY freaking. Here's some of the trauma I dealt with, and the comfort I received in return. You might be happy to know that I've embraced this decade and plan on making it kick ass.]

If you have been following me at all on facebook or have had a conversation with me at all in the last couple weeks, you'll know that the main theme of my discourse has been turning 30, or rather the cloud of depression hovering around the prospect of turning 30. One thing is certain. I am officially freaked. Valium, straight jacket, Sylvia Plath (the later years) freaked. But the thing I'm not sure about is...

Why am I so wigged about turning 30?

I've accomplished a lot. I feel good about where I am in my life right now. As a 20 yo, when I pictured my life as a 30 yo, it looked a lot like it does now. I've got the husband, children, home, yard, no dog yet--but soon, and 2 amazing careers. So why am I flipping out???

During some of my more dramatic, panicky status rants on facebook, I've gotten some really good/comforting/funny advice from my friends and family. For example, I posted this:

"My bday: I can just picture it. I'm wearing red peep toe heels, legs slung over the edge of my bathtub. Bubbles. Candles. From a CD player, Alanis Morrisette serenades me about nails that scratch passionate jealousy into the back of a lover. I lay, expressionless, except for a subtle despair behind the eyes. A tub of Chunky Monkey rests on my belly. A spoon in one hand and a razor in the other. Black tears mingle with bathwater.

A child swings open a door...
...one candle is extinguished."



Here are some of my favorite responses:

AC


"Rena, thirty looks great on you! Just look at all the neat stuff you've accomplished recently, stuff you couldn't have done a decade ago. I'm loving my thirties WAY more than I did my twenties (all except the grey hair part) ...and I plan to make a habit of getting better and more out of each year. Besides, that bathwater'll get cold quick and you'll break your neck trying to get outta the tub in the dim light. A woman your age can't be too careful, ya know!!"

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to...

SM
"Wah wah wah. You'll get over it big baby."
GS
"Shut the thirty year young door! Try being so old you have to use math to figure it out."
MZ
"No freaking out! Look how hot you are! Strut it girl!!!"
LT
"Dye your hair platinum blond and forget how to count! Then you can stay 29 forever!!!! :)"
VP
"My worst b-day is the one I just had (64). Reason is, I had to get my drivers license renewed and when I saw that the next renewal date will be on my 70th b-day, I just about dropped over!!!! What is up with that!?!?"
RHL
"Rena--as my friend told me when I turned 30, it is the best age. You finally get to be grown up and "wise" at 30--no longer in your still- a-college- kid 20's BUT you aren't old yet either. She was right. I am loving my 30's"
MH
"30 isn't too bad! But my brain keeps telling me I'm19 then I get a mortgage note in the mail and have to face the fact that my brain is a liar, now how do I get my body to lie and tell every one I'm 19?."
SH
"Don't be freaked. You'll wake up and feel exactly like 29. Plus, let's party!"
Tex
"‎30 shmirty"
I'm going to get to the bottom of this cascading anxiety, and in the mean time, I am happy to have people in my life who are willing to give me a facebook version of a shoulder hug or--and sometimes more appropriately--a facebook slap for my craziness.
Love you all.
Thanks for enduring me. 
My 30th birthday dinner.

7 comments:

  1. So funny - the age that got to me was 35, I've got no idea why. Since then, age hasn't bothered me... although I have got a birthday coming up :0

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  2. I am facing forty somethings and have hated birthdays for along time I understand your crisis:)

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  3. My 31st is right around the corner, and I'm pretty sure I won't have the crisis that I had last year. Thank goodness.

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  4. Oh gosh! So much to reply to and so running out of steam at this midnight hour! I will just have to come back again to read and write more. :)

    Thanks so much for stopping by my place, and don't worry. Thirty is still plenty young. I married a man ten years ilder so that I can always feel plenty youthful! (not really why, but it is a nice side effect!)

    Alana @ writercize,blogspot.com
    Trucking along A to Z with you!

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  5. Grinning from ear to ear... well it's like this... my son turned 30 this last week. I'm really excited about this next decade and can see some wonderful things culminating as a result of choices made. I hope in the long run, that's what you hang on to too. :-)

    Nice to meet you A-Z

    A-Z 2012 (#49) - Bloggit Write A-Z 2012 - Poetry
    A-Z 2012 (#861) - Bloggit Write A-Z 2012 - Haiku

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  6. I did great with my 30th... figured I looked better, was smarter, & had more money then I did when I was 20.. 40 on the other hand was a BITCH..
    Look forward to reading more from you! :-) Good luck with A-Z

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  7. I believe I'll have a repeat of this trauma when I turn 40, Am in Norway. [sigh]. Ah well. It makes for good blogging. heh heh.

    And that's sound advice Novrain. I'll look up your haiku site too.

    ReplyDelete

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