Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Why my kids are cooler than yours...

 Cases in point:


Every time I pick my 4yo son up from the babysitter after work, I ask him if he had fun. He always responds with a yes, but follows it with something awful that happened--usually made-up. It's his way of letting me know that he's not happy with the babysitting situation, that he'd much rather be watching Sonic the Hedgehog on the iPad at home than playing with his best friend, Aiden (who is the babysitter's son). Note that I only work part-time so he only goes there a couple times a week, and when he does he plays all day.)

Yesterday, as we are driving away from the babysitter's house...

Me:  Did you have a good time?

Gavin: Yes...but...Aiden punched me in the face.

Me: Oh really. He punched you in the face, huh? You know I can ask his mom if that is true.

Gavin: No. Don't ask her. Or I will punch you in the face.
Gavin and Aiden.


Since Gavin started watching Sonic the Hedgehog, he's taken to rolling instead of walking from place to place about the house. And ever since Cole made him a pair of Wolverine claws out of cardboard and duct tape, he's like a predatory booby-trap from Indian Jones. It's problematic for our ankles.

The claws aren't sharp, but when Gavin's rolling at 15 mph, and they swipe your ankles, you're going to have a triad of marks.

Snuggling up to grampa Twain. Ol' Twain was a little turned off by Gavin's breath.
(Sidebar: They were cats in another life.)

I made two dozen muffins the other day, and I went upstairs while they were cooling. When I came downstairs later to put them away, a whole dozen had disappeared.

Me: Did you guys eat a whole pan of muffins?!

Gavin: [flopping to the floor] It was an accident!

SNL style and a spoiler to our upcoming family photos

Layne, my eight-year-old is always my date to wedding receptions. She loves them, and I love to bring her, because, unlike Gavin, she has a semblance of class in situations like that.

This is what Gavin wanted to wear to the reception. I snuck out.
Batman lounging like a boss.

The last reception I went to was for a former student, Kelci. Upon greeting the bridal party, Kelci pointed out the photo wall. There were photos of Kelci and her new husband leading all the way up to and including their courtship. Kelci told us that her mom put the display together and joked that we could even see a picture of her as a pantless toddler. I laughed and Layne and I went over to the wall. We looked at it for a while, signed the register book, and then I led Elayna over to one of the empty tables in a room full of guests.

I got about twenty yards away when I realized Layne wasn't following. I found her still staring at the photos.

Me: Layne. [I motioned for her to follow me.]


Me: [Peeing from laughing so hard.]

Kelci, me, and my sophisticated daughter. We all kinda rock.


Here are the kids after Layne's baptism. 
 Getting ready to take the photo above...

Me: Gavin do you have to hold your batarang in the picture? Can't you put it behind Elayna's back?

Gavin: You're not the boss of me. Jesus is.

The batarang made a cameo. Jesus wins again.
How can you not love a face like that? She should audition for America's Next Top Model in a couple years, but turn them down when her Doogie Howser's smarts get her into Harvard as a ten year old. What? It could happen.


  1. Hahahahahahahahaa... Yes, I did laugh out loud all the way down the page :D What awesomeness you have with these kids! Being kidless myself I have no real point of comparison, but they sound amazing--and ultra entertaining :) Thanks for sharing!

  2. Maybe next time we'll give Gavin something real to complain about.



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