Sunday, May 31, 2015

Smithey Night Live

It was our family's turn for to be spotlighted in the ward newsletter. This was the result. 

We’re a family of creatives and artists. Of nerds and gamers. We’re educators and trainers, athletes and scholars. We take swings at the status quo and karate chop our Netflix queues. Spike’s our mascot, and badinage, our native tongue.  We’re Whovians and Browncoats and have a summer home in Whedonverse. We’re wordsmiths and jokesterraconteurs.

We are the Smitheys.

Rena, 33: E, ask us questions for the newsletter. Anything. Completely random.
E, 10: Would you blow up a house? With TNT?
Rena: What’s my motivation?
Cole, 35: Was it built on an Native American burial ground and was it haunted by a vengeful spirit who trapped my kid in the television?
E: Erm…yes.
Cole: Yes.
Rena: Isn’t that a movie?
Cole: [Nods.] Polterguest
Rena: Ah. …Isn’t it Poltergeist?
Cole: Yeah. I didn’t want to come across as one of those pretentious film know-it-alls.
Rena: Like Siskel &—
Cole: —Eggbert.
E: Would you rather have feathers or fur?
Rena: If I have feathers, can I fly?
E: Yes…and if you have fur…
Rena: People can make a coat out of you?
E: …you can nap forever.
Cole: FUR.
G, 7: Fur, so I could stay warm and I could fly like a flying squirrel.
Rena: Touché.
E: Would you rather have a beak or a snout?
Rena & Cole: Snout.
G: What’s a snout?
Rena: Like a dog’s nose or a pig’s nose. [Sotto voce to Cole.] Imagine trying to find a body on the banks of the Hudson with a beak? Or a pound of White Pony in a Caddy’s rim? Not gonna happen. [Cole looks quizzically at Rena.] In this scenario, I work for a K-9 unit.
Cole: Yeah, I’m not rooting around for food with a beak.
G: Dog’s nose.
E: Would you be a superhero who smelled like socks?
Rena: Dirty socks?
E: Any kind of socks. Sweaty, clean…
Cole: Do I lose my powers if I take the socks off?
 Rena: Yeah, are the socks my Samson-hair?

E: What?
Rena: My Achilles’ heel?
Cole: Do I have to take my shoes off to use my superpower?
Rena: Are flip-flops my Kryptonite?
E: Yes?
Rena: Then, no way.
Cole: Yeah. I’d do that.
Rena: Okay, my turn. Favorite Mexican food?
Cole: Pass.
E: Churros.
Gavin: Lasagna.
Rena: Lasagna is Italian.
Gavin: Oh, then…tacos.
Rena: Chicken or fish?
E: Chicken.
Gavin: Fish.
Cole: Beef.
Rena: Strawberries or peaches?
E: Strawberries.
Gavin: Peaches.
Rena: Bacon or bacon?
E and G: Neither.
Rena: [Eye twitches.] The apples fell far from the tree.
Cole: More bacon for us.
G: Apple! Was "apple" a choice?

--Rena Lesué-Smithey,

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